Driven

“Hold your hand still!” she insisted, almost angrily.

“Someone’s a little testy today,” I thought.

This was our fourth trip to Cleveland to be fingerprinted electronically for international adoption, so my wife and I were no strangers to the process. As you would expect from a government agency, the staff were always aloof and robotic, but never this rude.

Somehow it didn’t bother me—not like it normally would. As this mannish, overweight woman wrangled with my fingers, her outer show of irritation did little to hide what was really just nervous insecurity. She was new at this, I discovered as her supervisor reviewed her work. Her sense of worth clearly came from her ability to meet his expectations. And she wasn’t very good at it yet. (Believe me, I know.)

I imagine the scene was just a revision of one that played out many times in her life. Hurt by how others viewed her, she made a show of anger to deflect attention off herself. As long as it appeared to be someone else’s fault, it couldn’t be hers. Just a mask to hide her embarrassment. A coping mechanism.

Ultimately, we’re all driven by our insecurities.

Driven to anger.
Driven to fear
Driven to please people.
Driven to win at everything.
Driven to not even try.
Driven to be the center of attention.
Driven to hide.
Driven to perfectionism.
Driven to be the smartest.
Driven to get guys to notice.
Driven to substance abuse.
Driven to be different.
Driven to fit in.

Personally, I’m driven toward perfectionism and distancing myself from people. What are you driven to? C’mon. Be honest.