Free to Be Hungry

“Where do you want to eat?”

“I dunno. Where do you want to eat?”

“Wherever you want to eat.”

“Well, just choose a place.”

“I want to eat wherever it will make you happy.”

“It will make me happy if you’ll just make a decision!”

This would go on for 15 minutes and always end up with her choosing the restaurant, then frustrated through dinner. When we were dating, it drove my-now-wife crazy that I couldn’t speak my mind and just make a decision.

I was still in my boneless stage, without a spine for fear of upsetting someone—a leftover conditioning from my childhood. My parent’s divorce left me with dual families, dual holiday obligations, dual loyalties. My inability to ever please both sides left me unsure of how to please anyone, least of all myself.

Years later, I actually could not form an opinion about what I wanted to eat. I wasn’t hiding my thoughts—I had actually stunted my ability to think them for myself.

Took a tough turnaround, a very dark emotional journey, some caring counseling, but I emerged through it like a new birth. Emotionally stunted, but free to grow.

Free to choose.

Free to live.

Free to disappoint people. (Didn’t expect that one.)

But more on those choices later. Right now, I need a snack—and I know just what I want to eat.